Beautiful trauma
Today’s jam is brought to you by PINK:) First, I love her. Second, her lyrics always speak to me.:) Enjoy as you read…click the link in red.
When I started this blog my intention was to put up a new blog post weekly. That has yet to happen:) My blog is called Emily About Face. I chose that name for a few reasons. My life (as I’m sure yours) has been marked with countless times where the choice was to keep running from the truth or do an about face and look that look that monster in the face. Of course my monsters have been different shapes and sizes. Some have had a deafening roar and others a evil grin knowing the power they enjoyed having over me. Yes, I have no shortage of monsters to write about. Instead though, I want to write about the About Face. It has become like choreography. I like to think its as sassy as Elle Woods and her “Bend and Snap”...Who am I kidding? It ABSOLUTELY is that sassy.
Oct 2016
Therapist “ Wow, Emily that’s a lot you shared.”
Me: “Yeah, sometimes it feels nonstop. Like I can’t relax. Please don’t suggest yoga.”
Therapist: “Nope. No yoga. But has anyone ever talked to you about ADHD?”
Me: “Ummm...why? and are you trying to cause me panic?”
Therapist: “Let’s just talk a bit more…I really do think I can help.”
Literally a LIFE CHANGING session.
OHHHHH the ever present struggle of being consistent while having ADHD. I am certainly speaking for myself (but I think most of us who have ADHD) when I say the struggle is REAL. I just poured out a little of my Mickey’s big mouth forty ounce circa 1993.
Everyone I know is busy. No one has extra time to fit it all in. I am not at all saying that those four letters become an excuse for being disorganized. The opposite actually. It honestly comes down to awareness and accountability. I have worked hard to decide what is completely necessary to be accountable to and what I might be able to let go of--but not have life fall apart.
Here’s what I mean….
Low key let go and borderline RIDICULOUSNESS looks something like:
I have been on the same medication for four years, yet I will always frantically call my doctor and ask him for a refill on the day I run out. Am I aware that my supply is getting low? Yes. Do I want to be the person who calls a week early and effortlessly “swings” by the pharmacy to pick up my refill early? Yes. My doctor knows me and my patterns. He is always gracious and sends in the prescription without any questions asked. This is not the ADHD hill I am going to die on. This affects me and only me and I can live with being “last minute meds” girl.
As opposed to…
SUPER EFFING IMPORTANT AND MUST SET REMINDERS ON PHONE looks like:
If I have several work related commitments in the same day then I have to check my calendar almost hourly so nothing “slips my mind” due to overload or panic. A typical day can be start work at the hospital from 9am-2pm, followed by a freelance interpreting job over ZOOM from 4:00pm-5:30pm and then wrap up the night with an RF team call from 8:30-9:00pm while putting in a few customer orders simultaneously. All of the above commitments and of high importance and missing one of them would affect people who expect me to follow through.
All of the above is sandwiched in between kids, homework and making meals. I just laughed out loud...full disclosure, doordash comes to Casa De Borja/Nappi multiple times a week. A necessary reality when I am in charge of dinner.
Over the years I have had to find strategies to keep things together as much as I can. For me, a packed schedule is not at all chaotic. It’s actually how I thrive. Being busy is best for my very active brain. I have lists for my lists. I have calendars and planners. I have apps and post its and whiteboards too. And even after all the tips, practices, strategies and safe guards, I have found three absolutely life changing truths about myself.
I embrace my ADHD.
If an oversight is made I OWN IT.
I truly love being in service to others and my efforts will always reflect my intentions.
Now that I understand why I could never find my shoes as a kid, I am inclined to go a bit easier on myself when I can’t find my keys--like everyday.. I will still (occasionally) forget an appointment or let an order slip through that I should have cancelled. Initially I freak out but instead of burying my head and obsessively worrying about how I can “dead body sweep it”, I immediately own and the fix comes alot easier. And honestly, after so many years of loving new challenges and always wanting more, I realize that the throughline present in all the things I do is service and connection to people. I love supporting new business owners on their journey with RF. I LOVE being a sign language interpreter. I love that for twenty two years I have been able to teach high school dance with my best friend. I love that I recently passed the board exam to be a patient advocate. Yes, I love all of it. All of those things make sense to me and the absence of one would leave a gaping hole in my soul. Dramatic and true.
I have enabled comments on this blog so I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Thanks for reading...I am going to try and be back next week (but likely more like two!)